How To Reenergise Your Relationship

I don’t often write about my personal life on this blog, but recently I learnt a valuable relationship lesson and wanted to share it with you…

Couple Holding Hands

As many of you know, my wife Bec and I recently had our first baby – a little boy named Luke. Those of you who are parents will also know that the first 10 weeks with a new born at home are both wonderful and challenging :-)

Having reached our 10 week milestone, I wanted to do something special for Bec, so I made reservations at a local French restaurant, and organised to drop Luke off at his Grandma’s place for 2 hours.

When we arrived at the restaurant it was very formal, and a bit stuffy, and while the food was good, by the end of the evening we didn’t really feel refreshed or relaxed as I had hoped – we just felt tired.

That night I lay in bed and thought about our night out, and realised that fancy restaurants really weren’t ‘our thing’. I then asked myself a very valuable question which was:

“What reenergises us as a couple?”

For Bec and I, the answer was ‘dancing’. We first got to know each other through swing dancing, so dancing has always been a special part of our life. However, I suddenly realised that we hadn’t danced for over a year! So I made the decision to start looking into dance classes.

Roadblock #1

The next morning I jumped online and looked up dance classes in our local area. Unfortunately the only suitable class was on Thursday nights at 9pm. This just wouldn’t work with Luke’s evening routine so it looked like a dead-end.

Wall - roadblock 1

At this point it would have been really easy to say, “Oh well, we’ll just have to wait a few years”, but something told me not to give up.

Solution #1

I then did a Google search for ‘Swing dancing DVD’ thinking we might be able to teach ourselves. This led me to a site called iDance.net which offers over 1000 dance lessons from some of the best teachers in the world – I was SO excited!

I purchased a pack of lessons for $20 and downloaded them to my computer. Now all we needed was somewhere to dance…

Roadblock #2

Our floor at home is on a concrete slab so we needed to find somewhere with a wooden floor. After a bit more online sleuthing, I discovered that we could rent a local hall, but when I said we wanted to dance, I was told we’d need personal indemnity insurance which would cost over $1000!

Wall - roadblock 2

Solution #2

Not wanting to give up, I typed ‘portable dance floor’ into Google and to my surprise I discovered that they did in fact exist.

I phoned one company but found they only catered for restaurants and large venues. My next stop was eBay, where to my delight, I found a small portable dance floor!

With our portable dance floor on the way, I called our local church and booked the parish community center for an hour on Sunday afternoon.

The Result

Last Sunday afternoon, we arranged for Luke’s aunty to take him for a walk in his pram, while Bec and I “went dancing” for the first time in a long time.

We set up our portable dance floor, had our personal instructors on my iPad and had an absolute ball learning a dance called the Collegiate Shag.

Here’s a picure of our ‘private dance studio’ :-)

Portable dance floor

The valuable relationship lesson I learnt from this experience was that as life gets busier and more complicated it is important to:

“Work Hard At Having Fun”

It would have been really easy to put dancing in the ‘too hard’ basket at the moment, but it was definitely worth pushing through the initial roadblocks and making fun a priority.

So today I’d like to encourage you to ask yourself the question, “What reenergises us as a couple?”, and take a moment to identify the activities that really recharge your batteries. (If you get stuck, think about the activities you used to do when you first met)

Then make the decision to ‘Work Hard At Having Fun’ and push through the roadblocks in your way to find at least an hour a week that is just for you as a couple.

But What If I’m Single?

If you’re single, just change the question to, “What reenergises me as a person?”, and once you’ve written down a list of activities that make you feel alive, make the decision to ‘Work Hard At Having Fun’ and push through the roadblocks you meet to find a little time for yourself.

For Bec and I, the simple act of identifying the activity that reenergises us as a couple, combined with the decision to work hard at having fun has brought the joy of dancing back into our lives.

I hope you find this idea useful and that you have as much fun as we now do on Sunday afternoons!

Until next time,
Dare To Dream!
Dr Anthony

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Kate

    Thanks for the story it was great. As you have said before you need to go over/around/through walls that come up in life when they mean allot to you. Never give up there is always a solution and part of the fun may even be finding the answer.

    • anthony

      That’s so true Kate, once I made the decision that I was not going to give up – it did become fun!

    • flora ortega

      DEAR DR. I NEVER RECICEVED THE DARE TO DREAM BOOK . MY ADDRESS IS …. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR INSPIRATIONAL WORD. YOU ARE A BLESSING THROUGHT GODS GRACE GLORY TO GOD.

      • anthony

        Dear Flora,

        It’s probably not a great idea to put your full address up online, so I have taken the liberty of deleting the address from your comment.

        My ‘Dare To Dream’ book is an electronic book that you should have been able to download when you signed up for my newsletter.

        I will see if I can track down your email address and send it to you.

  • http://www.gauraw.com Kumar Gauraw

    This indeed is an awesome life lesson. As we grow older, giving up on little things that really hold the key to our “re-energizing”, gets so easy. “Oh well, I guess that will have to wait….” becomes part of us and we tend to learn to live knowing not what’s wrong.

    I liked your suggestion to “Work hard at having fun.” In fact, I couldn’t agree more. Anything positive to happen (or to make it happen), takes conscious decision and an effort while negative (such as giving up), is easy and automatic.

    Thank you for sharing and by the way, Congratulations one more time on joining the parents’ club.

    Regards,
    Kumar

    • anthony

      Thanks Kumar, you’re right – giving up is often easier, especially when we have a good excuse – but as a result we miss out on what we really want.

  • http://www.salspeaksnow.com Sal Salgado

    Many people expect something or someone else to make them happy. They will be
    waiting a long time……..I am glad you knew it was up to you and not depend on the
    charity of others. I love dancing also….Enjoy……

    • anthony

      Good point Sal!

  • http://www.pieadaygiveaway.com karen

    Thank you Dr. Anthony! I like that you were not stopped along the way… I will share this with my spouse and find a way to re-energize us!
    Blessings!

    • anthony

      Good luck Karen – I hope you have fun!

  • Emily

    Just want I need in my life.

    • anthony

      Glad you enjoyed it Emily

  • Anil

    Hi Anthony,

    Thank you for sharing such a wonderful article. Convey my regards to Luke. Even i had a kid of 5 months old. After she came into our lives, me and my wife had a less time to spent, this article gave me a new thought, surely will implement it.

    Thank you,
    Anil.

    • anthony

      You’re welcome Anil. All the best with your little one :-)

  • http://actions4betalife.com shaf

    hi anthony , shaf here
    great advice and supprt. very motivating , , i love it, keep it up.
    i am very inspired as a single person with health problems with marriage break up and now live on my own . i need all rhe encouragement i can get.

    • anthony

      Glad it helped in a small way Shaf. I hope things look a little brighter for you soon.

  • John

    Thanks Anthony
    Just what we needed. Going to give it a go!

    • anthony

      Good luck John!

  • Sonia

    Could not agree more “working hard at having fun”. Yes, we always work hard to get money, for what? For having good life, but often times we could not reach that level. A lot of difficulties and excuses stopped us. It is because we forgot to have fun in life. I will follow your suggestions.
    Thank you,
    Sonia

    • anthony

      I agree Sonia. Every time I’ve reminded myself to “work hard at having fun” and pushed myself to do something I might not otherwise have done – I’ve ended up really enjoying myself and feeling better for it.

  • http://Www.culturedkidz.com Mina

    Loved this post! It gave me a little laugh, plus the resulting dance floor turned out to be great. Thanks for the inspiration. I never really thought of relationship-building in quite that way, but it completely makes sense to stick to the activities that mean the most to us.

    • anthony

      Glad you liked the post Mina

  • Godiva

    My husband and I needed an activity and we took up social dancing.

    It started with a desire to dance the Viennese Waltz at the annual ball held in The St. Francis by a local classical radio station.

    We started taking lessons with a wonderful local couple who knew and taught every imaginable social dance and we started taking their group classes too. They introduced us to other dance venues and groups as well.

    My husband and I are no longer together (for other reasons). But we both enjoyed our dance activities and the friends we met there. My husband eventually met his second wife at a ballroom dance venue and I met my boyfriend at an argentine tango dance venue.

    We both still have those new friends and can enjoy these same activities with others even though we are no longer together as husband and wife.

    I liked your portable dance floor. I have learnt to dance since on any surface–inclusive of carpeting, dirt roads, and jagged paved streets!

    • anthony

      Glad to hear you still have dancing in your life Godiva

  • KAVITA KALSHAN

    hi!
    Thanks for such a eye opening artical ! keep up this enlightening work as u always have been.

    • anthony

      Thanks Kavita :-)

  • Ramesh

    Heartiest congratulations and best wishes for parenting.
    Thankyou for sharing the story, it is inspiring and much needed.
    God bless the three of you.
    Thank you and Best Wishes
    Ramesh

    • anthony

      Thank you Ramesh

  • seema

    Its so much relatable to my current personal life..I will surely give it a try! Thanks for always motivating & inspiring us!

    • anthony

      You’re welcome Seema

  • Liz

    Thanks Anthony,
    You are so right “never give up” that so reminds me of you. You continue to send
    people from all over the world these inspiring messages and I am sure you have changed alot of people’s lives, just like you changed mine in so many positve ways.
    I remember times when I was really down and out and I would just review your inspiring messages and it gave me a huge lift.

    I am sooooooooooooooo very grateful.

    Liz

    You are much appreciated by an enormous

    • anthony

      Thanks for the positive feedback Liz, I really appreciate it :-)

  • Liz

    amount of people. Sent it too soon forgot to send the other words.

    LOL

  • ochola peris

    Thanks have been thinking of doing things i used to do but have put aside for sometime will go out and dance

    • anthony

      Have fun Ochola!

  • Sivalatha

    Hiiii Antony!!!!
    Thanks for the story…..But is it possible to be that much serious in having fun also?????

    • anthony

      Hi Sivalatha, you don’t have to be serious about having fun, just make room for it :-)

  • jaikishan

    I am sorry to say that it is quiet boring…..

    • anthony

      One thing I’ve learnt Jaikishan is that it’s impossible to please everyone, all the time. Different articles will appeal to different people in different situations at different times.

      If this one wasn’t for you – that’s OK.

      If you don’t enjoy the articles from week to week, I’d encourage you just click the ‘unsubscribe’ link in my email :-)

  • krishnakarthik

    I am thankful to u Anthony. Iam a regular reader of your articles. After reading article your virtual master ‘mind, I am fflwng u and anthony Robbins on facebook also. Keep continuing. Happy Dhewali to u and ur family.Enjoy life and career

    • anthony

      So glad to hear you’ve created a virtual mastermind Krishnakarthik. I added two people to mine the other day too!

  • Mila

    Anton, thanks for your articles!!! They so inspire me. Could you tell me plese if you have this articles for listening?

    • anthony

      Hi Mila, I don’t have audio versions available at the moment – But I would like to convert all the articles here into podcasts and create an iTunes channel soon. This will hopefully happen in the New Year…

  • muhammad faheem

    Dear Dr. Anthony,

    This is really a great lesson and a real story to improve family life. worth reading, please continue to send your articles.

    kind regards and Love
    Faheem

    • Rakesh

      Eye opener.I really think we miss the important things in life.

    • anthony

      Glad you enjoyed the article Muhammad

  • Kumar Dipankar

    Hello.. sir,
    I’m a regular reader of your articles. Your articles are really great source of motivation. The way you have chosen to motivate people in their life is simply awesome. I’m writing here just to say that your work has remarkable after-effects which in my opinion are quite positive. I am thanking you on the behalf of all those readers who feels the same. Thank you so much.

    Regards..
    Dipankar

    • anthony

      I really appreciate your feedback Dipankar – Thank-you

    • Nadine

      Thank you Dipankar just What i wanted to say to Dr Anthony .
      God bless you All,
      Nadine

  • Rakesh

    Eye opener.

    • anthony

      Glad it got you thinking Rakesh

  • Ramanujam

    Dear Mr.Antony,

    It’s really important for relaxing and motivating in every ones life. please convey my wishes to sweet Luke

    Regards.
    Ramanujam.

    • anthony

      I will Ramanujam – Thanks :-)

  • http://www.prathyasha.in mohan daniel

    How To Re-energize Your Relationship – Dear Dr Anthony. Thank you for that wonderful inspirational idea who have shared with the world. Today i am inspired to do something together along with my wife – to travel and write a book. Which i was planning to do it alone. But your thoughts have changed me in my decision to remain “WE and not I” THANK YOU. MOHAN DANIEL CHENNAI, INDIA.

    • anthony

      That’s fantastic Mohan! I hope you and your wife have a great trip!

  • http://www.helenbright.com Helen Bright

    Hi Anthony! I had to smile, because my partner is Cuban and is not keen to join other Cubans at dance venues because there is a lot of gossip that goes on. I adore dancing. The other day I found a really good salsa instruction DVD for singles or couples. I put it on and to my surprise my partner loved it and we danced together! He really likes the DVD and it’s something that we can do at home (he is a builder and a workaholic) on our floor because we have laminate flooring! I always enjoy reading your insights! Bless you and your family! Helen

    • anthony

      Thanks for sharing Helen!

      Bec and I really enjoyed learning from the videos we downloaded and unlike normal classes which involve changing partners, we got to dance together the entire time.

      Glad to hear you’ve got your own personal dance floor at home :-)

  • Emily

    u have and still touching and changing peoples lives, everyday…with ur inspirations nd lessons learned. I am greatful to get to know you in my life and hope that one day all negative thoughts in me can be destroyed by ur awaresome powerful inspirations……

    thanks and regards

    Emily

    • anthony

      Thanks so much for the positive feedback Emily.

  • http://www.brittinghambookkeeping.net Melissa

    With our last child almost out of high school, my husband and I started thinking about what life (alone with each other) will be like after our son leaves for college. The reality is we lovingly devoted the last 18 years to our kids and our work, but lost our relationship with each other. I now feel like we have become roommates with benefits. We have nothing in common. Your article has given me new hope and inspired new ideas on how to reconnect with my husband and build a new relationship with him. I now see that in the past, we had alone time and had nothing to talk about that wasn’t kid or work related. That should have been our cue to stop wasting our money on awkward/uninteresting dinners and spending it on fun, new experiences together. Thank you!

    • anthony

      Hey Melissa, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I thought twice about publishing this article, but your comment has made me glad I did. I wish you and your husband all the very best.

  • Karen

    Thanks for your sharing. I guess as adults, we are all so wrapped up in our work and norms that we forget to make a conscious effort to make ourselves happy by staying energised:((
    This blog serves as a good reminder to all the busy and tired people out there.

    • anthony

      I agree Karen, it’s so easy to get caught up with work and family commitments and often it is the activities we do for fun that get pushed to the side first.

  • KKSidhu

    Thank you for sharing, its very inspiring. Congratulations to you and your wife for you bundle of joy, Luke.

    • anthony

      Thank you KKSidhu!

  • http://www.retnamony.com Retnamony Daniel

    Dear Dr,Anthony,
    Though I cant dance due to my physical condition, as a Counselor and Psychotherapist, I can advice my client couples come for marital relationship issues, how to enjoy weekends..
    Thanks a lot.

    • anthony

      Glad to hear you’ll be able to use the idea to help others Daniel.

  • Abhishek

    Got it Sir…Think towards the solution..there’s always a solution…

    • anthony

      That’s it Abhishek – you’ve just got to keep looking…

  • A White

    That was a sweet story with a wonderful outcome for both of you. It’s amazing what you can come up with when you put forth the effort and don’t let the “roadblocks” discourage you.

    • anthony

      So true!

  • Sourav Chakraborty

    Hi Anthony,

    Your articles are always inspiring. Everytime I find something really positive. I keep them as a good collection.

    Thanks a lot. God bless you and your family.

    • anthony

      Thanks Sourav, glad to hear you’re enjoying the articles.

  • Robin Andrew.s

    This is really wonderful…I will start practicing from t/row itself

    • anthony

      Good luck Robin!

  • Esosa

    Thank you so much, this is really great.I will put it in my thought, God bless you sir.

    • anthony

      God bless you too Esosa.

  • Zeenath K J

    Dear Anthony

    Thanks for such an amazing article. I am excited as am commenting for the first time on your article. Whatever you have written is absolutely right because few months ago when i wanted to refresh myself even i joined for dance class for which i had to face many challenges. I felt indeed great after joining.

    regards
    Zeenath K J
    Corporate Trainer

    • anthony

      Nice to hear from you Zeenath. Glad to hear you’ve discovered the joy of dancing!

  • Mahsa

    Good for Bec :)

    • anthony

      I’ll pass that on Mahsa

  • Mahsa

    sometimes we know what will reenergise us … but the suggestion from others is something else… shows of support and care

  • Prasanna

    Thanks Anthony…. It is really a good one…. Need to focus on having fun…. Thanks for sharing…

    • anthony

      Glad you liked it Prasanna

  • HARISH KUMAR ARORA

    very nice experiences!!! you have shared. it is really nice in today`s bussy schedule and for recharge battery it is must, otherwise we all will be polluted with bad things such hatred etc. and i think it is the only way we can move from dark to light and make our life beautiful. thanks for sharing.

    • anthony

      Well said Harish :-)

  • Swagatika Mishra

    hey Anthony….I really want to tell you that you are a wonderful & unique writer who writes practical pages and offers practical solutions.I have been reading so many blogs,inspirational books etc & etc but I love reading each and every pages writen by you.Thanks a trillion for making 1000s of life positive and creating a smiling curve on all of our face.This article is soooooo valuable too…………………thanks again

    • anthony

      You’re welcome Swagatika, and thank you for the positive feedback.

  • Ayush

    Thanks :)

    • anthony

      No probs!

  • Kristina

    Thank you Anthony
    really got strong points there. I had a miscarriage three weeks back, and me and my husband have been strugling on getting back to our normal routine of having fun and endjoying what we used to. everything we try seems to be deadlocked, true its easy to give up after one or two blocks..
    thanks hey :-)

    • anthony

      Hey Kristina, so sorry to hear of your loss – will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Holloway

    Strong and motivating. A good way to start a great day. =)

    Thanks for sharing Anthony.

    • anthony

      You’re welcome Holloway. Have a great week!

  • Francisca

    How refreshing Anthony. Just moved from the States to the tiny island Aruba and in need to re-invent myself. Now I know where to start, ME.

    • anthony

      Hey Francisca, good luck with the new start and new life!

  • http://google.com Vibhawari

    Hi Anthony,

    Thanks for sharing Anthony, and it is really refreshing… and one more thing I want to tell you, I received your Article at a correct time… Because just I was thinking how to Reenergise my Relationship with my husband, because recently he lost his elder brother, and he was very upset and now-a-days he is very irritating ….So thanks once again. By reading your Article, I got a new hope and new confidence in me again to connect with my husband..

    • anthony

      Glad to hear the article was timely Vibhawari, and I wish you and your husband all the best.

  • Kunal

    Thank u sir… very good mantra for my life… oh.. GOD! how can i say thanks to you i don’t know….
    But really this article will change the life of many persons…
    … again thank u…

    • anthony

      Glad you found the article useful Kunal

  • babu venkatesan

    hai anthony
    nice but it is too risky to dance with mother of 10 weeks old child
    any how be cautious
    regards
    babu

    • anthony

      Thanks for your concern Babu, we’ll be careful!

  • Cat Timbes-Fawcett

    i like u Anthony.-Cat

    • anthony

      Thanks Cat :-)

  • Redley Opasa

    thanks mentor…
    really appreciate your inspiring and practical encouragement. Yes sometimes we truly had to take time to ‘smell the roses”.
    kind regards
    reds

    • anthony

      Indeed Reds!

  • fikru

    Thank you so much!!!

    • anthony

      You’re welcome Fikru

  • Ngoc Tran

    Thanks you so much Anthony, you as my inspiration, I hope you can send me many stories as more as , I really love it

    • anthony

      You’re welcome Ngoc. I’m hoping to write a little more regularly now that Bec and I are getting a bit more sleep :-)

  • Cathy Doctor

    Thanks for sharing, it is a great article and really a wake-up call for my relationship, it is time to take action now, no more excuse

    • anthony

      Glad it was timely Cathy!

  • Wendy

    Thank you very much for your true and inspirational story! One lesson learnt for singles like me is that never give up whenever we encounter any problems. To find ways and means to tackle the problems and there will be solutions for them.

  • Aryo

    Nice share Anthony.. it gives me some enlightment in facing my marriage divorce, so i should think positively and reenergised myself dealing with this though situation in my life

  • Alphonso

    Dr Anthony, Thanks for the nice eye opener. Many a times we look outwards and get drawn to wrong things for getting energised. As you have asked yourself the right question and made committed & continued effort, you have had the postive result.
    Excellent, please keep up the great work.

    Alphonso

  • Boris

    Thank you, Anthony, for your inspiration and support the people around the globe. Your motivation articles reach Russia as well.
    God bless you and your family! Keep going!

  • judith vee

    very nice indeed. love the dancing floor. keep up nthe good woek, you really do inspire me and others as well. have a happy thanksgiving to you and your loved ones as well. justs recently lost my grandfather i shall miss him very much, judith vee. happy holidays to everyone and god bless.

  • judith vee

    i hope you got my email, happy hokidays to you and your family

  • tatenda

    Dear Doc
    i enjoyed the testimony, but i have a problem i think its a huge one. my wife is employed and leaves home at 7AM and comes back after 7pm and I’m not comfortable with this kind of job and I’m going down because of that how can i energize this

  • paresh

    Nice one

  • Khushi

    Hey
    the story was actually awesome.
    i loved it and quit energizing….
    and i liked the idea how you arranged floor…
    wonderful…
    i am single and i love dancing too…and its been 3-4 months i hvn’t danced…
    so, its time for me to arrange some floor like this..

  • krushna

    i daily follow ur valuable ideas which keep me energise.so thank u so much giving us such wonderfull ideas.plz give us weekly . i cant afford ur dare to dream book. is there any other way to find ur book plz replyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

  • john ikandi

    thank you Dr. for your encouraging articles i have been receiving. they have encouraged not to quit or give up on whatever conditions. i will now look to what motivates me.

  • Anu Kartic

    What a wonderful read.. and, there cudn’t have been a better day/occasion than today for me to read this.. it’s my wedding anniversary today.

    For about 3years now, I’ve always enjoyed reading your articles Dr. Anthony..this one is a blessing – awesome life lesson :)) Thanks a ton!!!

  • Ramachandran S

    Another practical solution for the not-so-happy couples. Every couple have their own happy & satisfying moments. It only needs to be renewed now & then, as rightly mentioned in the article. kudos to Dr.Anthony.

  • Natalie

    Thanks a lot for this inspirational article! I am to apply it in my life:-)

  • http://google Vijayaragavan

    Oh! that was funtastic information to rediscover ourselves.